Most often, those who come to mediation are angry at each other. This anger may take various forms: rage, fury, indignation, irritation, annoyance, aggravation, or displeasure.
Initially, I encourage the parties in the mediation to talk to me directly and tell me what gave rise to the anger they are experiencing. By doing so, I assist them in identifying the source of the anger. Was it a particular incident, or has an accumulation of events caused a slow burn? I gently open the vent on the pressure cooker so that the parties can let off the steam that has been building. I ask questions of each party in order to gain an understanding of the situation. This allows the parties to learn, maybe for the first time, what is causing so much anger.
The very act of expressing the anger to someone who listens to the parties intently and without judgment is the first important step to defusing the anger. I then can help the parties uncover any underlying causes of conflict, misunderstandings, or assumptions each may have made and discover what they have in common and how they might move toward resolution of the conflict.