The goal of clarifying is to make sure that what we hear or perceive is what was intended or meant by the speaker. This, in turn, promotes understanding. So often, we assume or draw conclusions from what someone else says or does and if we don’t seek clarification, then sometimes conflict results. In order to avoid any possible misunderstanding, it is necessary to try to ensure that the speaker and the listener are on the same page. We hear words and tone and see body language, all of which are subject to our own interpretation. But if we are uncertain or confused about what we see, hear, or perceive, then we must ask questions of the speaker in order to get more information and clear up confusion or possible misinterpretation.
For example, a speaker may be shy and not responsive in an expected way to another’s attempt at interaction. I mediated recently between two coworkers whose styles were entirely different from one another. This led to misunderstanding and conflict. Because one person to the dispute was outgoing and verbal and the other was more introverted and socially uncomfortable, the outgoing one made the assumption that the quiet one did not like her and was trying to avoid her. The quiet one had no clue that his behavior was being perceived this way.
In the course of the mediation, I helped them recognize the differences in their styles by having them clarify with each other how they communicate with others. They were then able to recognize the assumptions they had made about the other person’s behavior and what it meant towards each of them. Once they had clarification, they gained a better understanding and could have a more pleasant work relationship.