It feels very good to be heard, doesn’t it? I don’t mean agreed with necessarily, but to have one’s feelings or thoughts be recognized. Validation in the mediation process is a form of feedback from the mediator to the parties and ultimately, the mediator hopes, between the parties.
Here are some examples of validation that I may use in mediation:
It must have been frustrating for you when ____.
That must have made you feel _____ when _____.
Change is difficult, isn’t it?
It was really brave of you to say that.
I can see how that would make you feel.
It sounds as though you were getting mixed messages.
It’s important to be able to vent, isn’t it?
It’s nice to have someone listen to your concerns, isn’t it?
I really appreciate your coming to mediation.
You’ve really worked hard today in the mediation.
This also gives the parties an opportunity to correct any misunderstanding I may have and further elaborate on their information. Through validation, I let the parties know that I recognize the good in how they are attempting to deal with the situation that brought them to mediation. I show that I have been giving my undivided attention to the parties and that I have been listening for information and feelings. It is important that I understand and that I show them that I understand so as to encourage conversation and resolution.